iPhone Winterboarder

It's 5 years old but it is oh so funny.

Subject: Re: Illegal Dissemination of Apple Intellectual Property
From: anakata
To: IRamage@OMM.com

> April 21, 2005
>
> VIA EMAIL
>
> NOT FOR POSTING
>
> Fredrik Neij
> Registrant of www.piratebay.org
>
> Re:      Apple Intellectual Property Disseminated by
> www.piratebay.org
>
> Dear Mr. Neij:
>
> We represent Apple Computer, Inc.  On or before April 21, 2005, the
> site www.piratebay.org was in the process of distributing and/or
> facilitating the distribution of a misappropriated copy of an
> unreleased version of Apple's operating system software, Tiger 10.4,
> Build 8A428.  The software constitutes an Apple trade secret and is
> copyrighted.  

Awh, come on, I've heard the expression "a few bad apples", but this is
just ridiculous.

> Apple has a well-known, longstanding policy of closely guarding
> information about its unreleased products as trade secrets.  

I've heard that before somewhere. I just can't remember where...

> We demand that you immediately disable the torrent and/or tracker and
> prevent further distribution of Apple's trade secret and copyrighted
> material.

We demand that you provide us with entertainment by sending more legal
threats. Please?

> Apple further demands that you provide us with all information
> relating to the posting of torrents enabling the distribution of Mac
> OS X Tiger, Build 8A428, including all log files and tracker files
> associated with such torrents.  Apple also demands all information
> related to the identity of the persons who created such torrent files
> and/or who uploaded the software referenced by those torrent files, as
> well as the identities of all individuals who participated in the
> uploading and downloading of Apple's software.  If you fail to
> maintain the evidence of this illegal activity, you will be subject to
> severe sanctions.  In particular, if you destroy or hide any evidence,
> you will be subject to civil and criminal penalties.  Please produce
> all requested information by the end of the day, Friday, April 22,
> 2005. 

Even if we had that information, which we don't, do you really think we
would provide it to you? 

> Builds of unreleased Apple software are distributed under strict
> confidentiality agreements.  Your torrent site appears to be engaged
> in a practice of soliciting and disseminating Apple trade secrets.
> This practice is grounds for both civil and criminal liability.  To
> avoid further liability, you must refrain from inducing the breach of
> any Apple confidentiality agreements, soliciting Apple trade secrets,
> and distributing Apple trade secrets on your site. 

...Or what? You and Hans Brix will send us angry letters? Fortunately
for you, we don't keep sharks as pets. 

> Apple is prepared to take further actions to stop the sites illegal
> activities, and Apple expressly reserves its rights.  I am available
> to discuss this matter at any time. If you are represented by counsel
> in this matter, please provide me with the identity of that counsel. 

Instead of simply recommending that you sodomize yourself with a
retractable baton, let me recommend a specific model - the ASP 21". The
previous lawyers tried to use a cheaper brand, but it broke during the
action. 

>
> Sincerely,
>
> Ian Ramage
> OMelveny & Myers LLP
> Embarcadero Center West
> 275 Battery Street, Suite 2600
> (415) 984-8783 (direct)
> (415) 984-8701 (fax)
> iramage@omm.com
>
> This message and any attached documents contain information from the
> law firm of OMelveny & Myers LLP that may be confidential and/or
> privileged. If you are not the intended recipient, you may not read,
> copy, distribute, or use this information. If you have received this
> transmission in error, please notify the sender immediately by reply
> e-mail and then delete this message.

It's OK with you that we post this message on
http://static.thepiratebay.org/legal/ ? Because I just did, and I'm so
afraid of you and your nice titles and shiny offices :-(.

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